I just had my 37th birthday last month. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately - some things are trivial, some things are very important, some things have been sitting on the back burner for God knows how long yet I just seem to keep glossing over them and not really wanting to get them done. I haven't been working since I got laid off in April, and to tell you the truth, I have been just as busy, if not more, then when I was working. My 5 year old keeps me going - the majority of what I do revolves around his schedule, his school, his activities, play dates, homework, recreational activities, etc. as well as running the household. I'm fortunate to have a husband who loves me and deals with everything that goes along with me, attitude and all. I'm pretty difficult at times, if you know me, you know what I mean. Anyway, the one recurring theme that keeps coming back to me is - who is the REAL me? Dani, Dani girl, Danielle, Kalaiopua, mommy? All of the above.
Sometimes I feel like the real me went on vacation a long time ago when the responsibilities of adulthood came into play. I need to get her back.
Can I be a mom, wife, daughter, niece, sister, friend and do ALl of these jobs well? Am I still the person I was before I got serious with one person and became a mom? Am I doing the best possible job I can in every aspect of my life? Am I as serious as I lead you to believe? Can I be a good parent and still be a good friend? Can I listen more and talk less? Can I go back into the workforce and do what I want this time? Can I be a grownup but allow myself to act like a kid? Can I still party with the best of them? Do I even still want to? There are so many things I want to do but have a hard time hunkering down and completing them because my mind is overwhelmed with a huge to-do list. It's hard to focus because I'm too busy controlling every one else around me. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it's not. I need to let a little bit of that go, and come back to me. I need to do more things that will make ME proud, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks at this point, does it?
I need to be true to myself, and in doing that, the real me will shine once again.
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So quick question... what makes you happy?
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading about the real you! Its funny because I am lucky to have never seen the attitude or to be on your bad side (and for the record I plan on keeping it that way!) But that's normal we all have those sides! You are doing an awesome job with your son and husband! I enjoyed my stay in your home and in the city.. you are such a wise woman and I'm going to enjoy getting to know you through your blogs. I feel like I'm reunited with my long lost familia.. and I am hehe.. and FYI you have a way with your words, some of the questions you brought up I happened to ask myself and some questions I knew the answers too and others well, I'm still wondering.. either way I hope you found your answers auntie I love you!